As Valentine's Day approaches, our thoughts naturally turn to love and relationships. This year, let's explore a deeper kind of love - the love you cultivate for yourself. Donna Bollinger's Break That Grip offers profound insights into how understanding and loving yourself is the key to building healthy and fulfilling relationships with others.
Bollinger's journey, marked by personal challenges and a life-threatening experience with a rip current, taught her the importance of self-awareness and self-compassion.... Just like a swimmer caught in a powerful current needs to learn how to navigate the ocean, we too need to understand our emotional currents before we can truly connect with others.
Here are a few key takeaways inspired by Bollinger's work:
The Power of Self-Reflection: Bollinger emphasizes the need to "STOP" and "OBSERVE" our thoughts and feelings.... This Valentine's Day, take some time for introspection. What are the patterns in your relationships? Are you repeating cycles that no longer serve you? Bollinger suggests that "many of our behaviors and qualities are passed down from generation to generation," and understanding these patterns can be the first step toward change.
The Importance of Self-Love: To truly love others, we must first learn to love ourselves. This isn't about vanity but about accepting our imperfections and practicing self-compassion. Bollinger notes that "the best way to really change your unwanted behaviors is to learn to love yourself". By practicing self-love, we become better equipped to give love to others genuinely and without conditions.
Analyzing the Past to Shape the Future: Bollinger's book encourages readers to look back at their past to find "golden nuggets" from difficult situations, recognizing how challenges have helped shape who they are... She says "things don't happen to us but they happen for us". This includes identifying negative patterns that might be affecting our present relationships.
The SOAR Strategy: Just as Bollinger used her SOAR strategy to escape a rip current, we can use it to navigate emotional challenges in relationships.... The steps to apply are:
Stop: Pause and become aware of your situation.
Observe: How are your thoughts making you feel?
Adjust: Direct your thoughts to more positive and appreciative perspectives.
Reframe: Visualize a more positive outcome.
Gratitude and Faith: Bollinger advocates for finding gratitude in all circumstances and having faith in a higher plan.... "Even if the outcome had been a sad one, the only tool to turn anything around is still gratitude and faith in a higher plan." This approach fosters a positive mindset that enhances not just your own well-being but also your relationships with others.
CPR Starts with The Heart: Bollinger's concept of "CPR Starts with The Heart" emphasizes the importance of our emotional state.... In any relationship, we must "RISE" by:
Responding thoughtfully, not reacting impulsively.
Inhaling to pause and ground ourselves.
Staying warm, with compassion, toward others and ourselves.
Exhaling, to communicate in a way that fosters understanding.
This Valentine’s Day, let’s make a commitment to cultivate self-love, to analyze our past in order to change the present, and to approach relationships with open hearts and minds. By embracing these lessons from Break That Grip, we can build a foundation for deeper connections with ourselves and others.
Remember to SOAR and RISE!
Cheering you on, Donna Bollinger
P.S. For more insights and exercises on breaking the grip of fear and anxiety, download the free Action Journal at d1productions.coach and share your stories with Donna at donna@donnabollinger.com.
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