This is part two of my reflections on communication and breaking cycles of conflict, following up from my earlier post on The Power of Curiosity and Confidence For Kids.
It can be heartbreaking to hear a close friend express beliefs that clash with your own lived experience, especially when those beliefs seem to pass judgment on something so personal. Recently, a thoughtful friend of mine, whom I deeply respect, mentioned that she would never marry a man from a broken home. That statement hit hard, not only because I care for her, but because my own children are from a broken home.
Divorce can feel like an emotional earthquake for families, shaking the foundations of relationships. However, it’s crucial to remember that divorce doesn’t define the future of children. We don’t have to be prisoners of our past, and neither do our children.
Statistics show that children of divorce are more likely to experience relationship challenges, but statistics are not destiny. I’ve made it my mission to prove that children from broken homes can use their lived experiences to become architects of healthier relationships. The pain they witnessed can serve as a motivator to break old patterns and build stronger, more resilient bonds.
Children of Divorce Can Break the Cycle
Kids from divorced families often learn early on how fragile relationships can be. However, they also gain valuable insight into what doesn’t work. With this knowledge, many of them develop a unique determination to ensure their own relationships don’t end the same way. Instead of armoring up against one another, they learn to tackle life’s challenges as a team. The mindset shifts from “you versus me” to “us versus the problem”.
We often mirror the communication styles we learned in childhood. Whether it’s how we handle conflict, express love, or share our feelings, those patterns tend to echo in every relationship, personal or professional. This makes it even more vital to intentionally break unhealthy communication cycles. By recognizing destructive behaviors, humbling ourselves, and committing to change, we can build better futures—for ourselves and the next generation.
Communication is Key
One of the biggest revelations in my own life is how much of my struggle stemmed from poor communication. I’ve spent years learning about the factors that influence mood and behavior—everything from diet to exercise to hormones—but nothing has been more transformative than learning how to communicate better with myself and others.
Communication is not just about talking; it’s about listening, recognizing patterns, and showing empathy. It’s about understanding motivations and acknowledging pain. This has become especially clear in my role as a parent, an entrepreneur, and someone caring for aging parents. Through these experiences, I’ve come to understand the immense power of effective communication.
In my journey, I’ve had the unique blessing of time—time to reflect, to learn, and to grow, especially while caring for my parents as they recover from health issues. This time of caregiving has allowed me to step back and reassess not only how I communicate but how I want to leave a legacy for my children.
Leading by Example
Our children learn more from how we live than from what we say. One of the greatest gifts we can give them is the ability to communicate with confidence. Curiosity creates connection, and we must encourage kids to ask questions and express themselves. Whether in the family or in society, effective communication is crucial to solving problems and bridging divides. It’s a skill they’ll carry with them for life.
From political division to personal conflicts, so many problems stem from an inability to understand one another. We often focus on winning the argument rather than solving the problem. But real communication is about connection, not conflict.
Reclaiming My Voice
After my divorce, I felt like I had lost my voice. Drowning in guilt and despair, especially for my kids, I knew I had to find a way to survive the emotional turmoil. To help them, I first had to help myself. This led me to study the tools for confident communication. I realized that true confidence comes from knowing who you are and standing firm in that understanding—not from dominating conversations or always having the last word.
The most confident people don’t need to be the loudest. They listen, pause, and thoughtfully respond. They don’t feel the need to attend every argument they’re invited to. This is where real power lies: in knowing that not everything deserves a response.
Tools for Confident Communication
Here are some of the key tools I’ve learned along the way:
Slow Down and Convey Warmth: Don’t rush conversations. Make eye contact, fully engage, and approach the conversation with empathy.
Pause Before Responding: Instead of reacting impulsively, take a breath. Let it be your first response, giving yourself a moment to think before you speak.
Don’t Swing at Every Pitch: You don’t have to respond to every comment. If their words aren’t helpful, visualize them falling to the ground. Not every comment needs a reaction.
Frame the Conversation: Before diving into a tough conversation, visualize the positive outcome you want. Approach the discussion in a way that strengthens the relationship, rather than tearing it down.
Ask Empathetic Questions: When faced with a hurtful comment, instead of reacting defensively, ask clarifying questions. This helps you understand their perspective and creates room for empathy.
Set Boundaries Assertively: Express your boundaries clearly but calmly. For example, say, “I don’t accept the way you’re speaking to me,” or “I won’t respond to that.”
Know When to Stay Silent: Sometimes, the most powerful move is to say nothing. Not every argument is worth engaging in, and not every conversation needs a winner.
Communicating confidently is not about dominating the conversation or proving your point. It’s about understanding yourself, respecting others, and striving for connection over conflict. By practicing these tools, we not only improve our relationships but also help break the cycle of poor communication for future generations.
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